Monday, 22 August 2016

So recently there has been a lot on anxiety popping up on my newsfeeds and the media and a lot of my industry mates have also talked about it.  

I have always been weary of what Anxiety actually is, thinking is it just a fashion fad or a label for nervousness, but lately I have wondered if maybe I suffer from it.

It may seem naïve to judge Anxiety but I have never known what it is or it symptoms so how am I meant to know? This is why I wanted to talk about it.

First of all I have never had a panic attack or anything like that, but I have had weird feelings that I can’t quite put my finger on what they are.

These feelings happen generally at night. I can get into bed and then feel hugely panicked about what I need to do tomorrow, what I can do to further my career or silly things like how are black holes made and is it possible to disrupt time and dimensions.

Now this may seem crazy but this generally happens every other day. I don’t know if it common in anyone else, but I generally put it down to being creative and the fact my brain is wired and constantly firing at a hundred miles an hour.

These feelings can make me feel scared and bring on intrusive feelings of suicide and euphoria. They make my heart beat faster and I have to listen to my breathing and try and chill out to make them stop.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is this Anxiety or is this normal?

I also use to suffer from anorexia as a teenager and sometimes I still suffer today when mealtime arrives. My stomach will literally say ‘I am full’ after my first mouthful but my brain will be like ‘hey you haven’t eaten for hours you need to finish this’. This will lead to me having an inner panic and getting stressed but over the years I have learnt to just breathe, eat slowly and not worry if others have finished their meal and it generally goes away.

My anorexia came on when my family unit fell apart and my Mum and Dad got divorced. I know this as I worked out that I was trying control my life by controlling my eating. You can’t do this. You can’t control life. Literally you have to just roll with the punches and go with the flow because otherwise it will drive you crazy. Once you realise this you are kind of enlightened and can work towards getting healthy again. It won’t ever go away but you can learn to move on.

Now this is not a post asking for sympathy, what I wanted to say is that I would consider myself a strong, healthy and clued on person, but I still get intrusive thoughts and feelings of panic in various different forms. I don’t know if this is Anxiety or not and I am also not looking for a label for it, but if it can happen to me then it can happen to others and speaking out might make others feel like they are not alone.

Being male as well, I feel that sometimes eating disorders and anxiety are seen as female problems. They are talked about a lot within female heavy magazines, blogs and news spots, but they happen to us men too. Don’t feel less of a man because of this. It is treatable and the best thing to do is talk about it. A support network is very important.

I hope by me talking about my feelings of anxiousness and my anorexia helps at least one person.  

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