The Mental Taboo

Monday, 28 November 2016

Now this post comes to you from being written at 5am on Sunday morning. And I tell you this because I want to be honest about what this post is about completely.

Over the past two days I have felt a bit down about things. I can't pin point what I have been down about exactly and don't really have anything I should be depressed about, but yet that feeling was there. Those who know me know that I can shrug off negative thoughts quickly but yet this weekend they seemed to linger.

I was starting to question everything. Why was I not feeling happy at that moment? Why do I do this to myself? What does today hold? What does the future hold? How am I going to get everything I want done? 

And then it happened again, like to has happened before. Suicidal thoughts. 

Now let me tell you here that I don't believe I ever would act upon these thoughts but yet they are intrusive and invasive and happen. 

I was literally questioning that there must be more to all this. Struggling with the thought of humanity. Why are we here? Why do we destroy each other? Does life really matter?

Now I haven't slept well the past few nights, due to having a lot on, so this could be down to tiredness. But I wanted to share this as I may not be the only one that has this and I feel we should be talking about it.

I managed to keep a smile on my face throughout, which I found helped (even forced) and I kept reminding myself of all the good things in life which kept me grounded whilst my brain was wandering. 

One thing I don't like to use however, is distraction as I feel you are just suppressing the thoughts and not dealing with the cause. Telling yourself you are ok having these thoughts, but wow what a future you have to look forward to is a great way to help. Remind yourself that the future is unwritten and whatever struggles you have now you won't have forever. But don't hide. It's ok.

Here is an article about another actor Devon Murray and his struggles (which are very different than mine, but I believe this is not all simple and the more shared the more people are aware of the help out there).

Too many performers punish themselves day in day out with negativity and depression. Let's end this. Let's talk about it.

For facts and help about depression click here.

Do you ever suffer from suicidal thoughts? What are your coping mechanisms? 


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